Bad Day at Red Rock

What a day! What would make this day even worse would be to forget to blog and wreck my streak since January 1st. So herein lies my stellar post!

Thank You, Moms!

Years ago as I was raising my four sons another mom asked me if I sat around and watched TV all day. Seriously! With four boys under the age of 5! I should interject here – four sweet and well-behaved – boys under the age of 5. What this other mom didn’t realize is how very telling it was about her take on her own motherhood. She had two kids.

What we do with our time is our life. Our “life” isn’t this other-worldly place in which we are awaiting entry. That may be the after life in heaven, but here on earth the manner in which we spend our minutes is our life. It’s as simple as that.

I worked as a Catholic grade school teacher for three years before marrying and having my first child. The day I said good bye to teaching I never looked back. Never longed for a career in education. I had my career – the only career I ever wanted: I was a mom. And I loved being a mom. Were there things I’d change if I could? You betcha! But little things. Never the grand picture of motherhood.

Possibly one of the hardest trials of motherhood could be delayed gratification. We put countless hours into raising our children from the second they are born. And nobody pats us on the back, or hands us a blue ribbon for a job well done. We don’t receive a gold watch at retirement…because we never retire! Just like we never worked only 9-5. We moms just keep going day after day, year after year, doing what we think is right for our children. And hopefully what we have instilled in them IS right.

I’m very happy with how I raised my sons. Sure there was never enough time, the house was always messy, and retaining my sanity is still in question, but more and more I am witnessing the fruits of my labor. And I like it. It gives me a great sense of accomplishment. They’re good kids. Not exactly “kids” anymore, but always my boys in my heart. They are good people. I remember thinking when other people, usually women, would ask me about returning to “work” I would think, Why? From an early age my dream was to put good people into the world. I’ve done that. Self pat!

Every year it becomes more difficult to raise good, caring people. The “world” fights us at seemingly every turn – TV, movies, song lyrics, mainstream media in general, toys, clothes. Here’s an example of how old-fashioned I am: My sons attend college, and one day the discussion around the dinner table was how one of their teachers cusses in class. And it bothered me! And I am happy that it bothered my sons. I realize that my boys hear and say way worse. However, this teacher is in a position of authority and with that authority (and paycheck) ought to come the sense to keep one’s swear words out of the classroom. The very fact that my boys discussed this teacher means that they know it isn’t right. And that’s a good thing. Another little pat!

Before I get carried away with myself, I better wind this up. If you are a young mom reading this column struggling to raise your child or children in a Christian fashion, I commend your efforts. I know how hard it is to do. And so does God. He sees every attempt you make to mold young hearts and minds. He stands right beside you when you lay down the rules and turn off the video games. He hears you when you pray.

So here’s a great big THANK YOU for your part in putting more good little people into our world. C’mon now, nobody’s looking except God – raise that hand and give your back a pat!

The Smiling Eyes of God

A good Lenten reflection:

May I have a ride?
Will you spare a few bucks?
How will I get over her death?
All questions needing an active response
All gifts given by God
Gifts sent directly to you from God
Accept God’s gifts or He will ask another
And you will have lost God’s gift of giving

To those who have much
God will give more
To those who reject God’s requests
God will turn away
Seeking the cheerful giver

As God scans the earth will He see your light shining?
Or will He see the lump of you hiding under the covers -
listless, lifeless, dark -
Missing opportunities to give?
Missing opportunities to live?

Be alert
Be awake
Be aware
Of all the needs around you

The more you look
The more you see
The more you see
The more you do
The more you do
The more you shine
The more you shine
The more your light’s reflected
In the smiling eyes of God

This and That

So…what’d you do fun today? Hmmm? C’mon, what’d you do? I had lunch with a friend. Kept me in a good mood all day long as I accomplished much today. Mundane errands take on a cheerier outlook when we’ve had a little fun. Grocery shopping isn’t such a chore after a delicious and chatty lunch. Paying bills goes more quickly. Even putting away all the food takes on a lighter air. I do believe this is called happiness. Fancy that!

And talk about happiness: You never saw a happier woman than when I opened the door and yelled up the steps to see if my youngest son was home. My little pack mule! He carried every bag, every jug and every sack of dog food into the house. Small pleasures! I love them.

Hey, it’s 10 months until Christmas. How’s that going? Is there something small you could do to make its arrival a little less hectic? Sorting recipes? Organizing addresses? Just a thought. Every little bit helps.

Moms "Just" Want to Have Fun

Remember Cyndi Lauper’s song, “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”? When said girls grow up to be moms the only part of the song title that changes is “just.” Moms have a million new responsibilities. They no longer “just” do anything anymore. That luxury is history. But the “fun” part doesn’t change – or it shouldn’t. In order for fun to be removed from your life you have to send it packing.

I did. Years ago. I wish I hadn’t, but I did. Once the babies began arriving that was it; they came first. Their needs and wants. Mine got lost in the shuffle…because I let them. Any fun I had was mostly with my boys.

Now, however, I am re-introducing fun into my routine. I need the escape. I need to turn off my brain. To let go of worry. Or more accurately…worries.

Once you start, it’s easier than you may think. Try it. If you’re a woman who has relegated fun to the back burner, throw that crazy thinking right out the window – off the burner and out the window. Ask yourself, “What do I like to do?” And do it!

Trust Yourself

Do you trust yourself? It may sound like a silly question, but do you? Chances are if you have found, and keep coming back, to this Web site you just may be a mom like me who has raised her children and is looking for more for her life. Searching. That was me several years ago. Lost. Another apt adjective to describe me. When moms’ children grow up and walk out the door so goes the mom’s primary function out the door too. Alone. A third word to describe this time of a mother’s life. It is not a pretty time. We think back to our own mothers and others who would warn, “Enjoy this time. It will go by so quickly.”
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I wished the diaper phase and the no-sleep phase would speed right along. But then, just as the wise ones knew, the time was quickly gone. Over. Kaput. The bad parts are gone, but so are the good ones. And a mom is left alone – alone physically as well as mentally much of the time. If you’re like me you forged such a bond with your young ones that you find yourself missing their company around the dinner table, at church, around the living room.

But we go on. We moms are a resilient sort, aren’t we? Back to my original question: Do you trust yourself? Do you trust yourself to forge ahead? Do you trust yourself enough to let go of the past knowing that there is a future not only for your children, but for you? Years ago I didn’t have a clue what my life would be like now. My purpose had grown up…and left. Only in the past year or so have I begun to get a handle on this new phase of my life. Before that, there was constant soul-searching with many tears of sadness, frustration and anger.

So if you are in the time of life I just described, take heart, because a different life awaits you. My different life has all to do with words – my writing. Yours may go in that direction or in another direction. Take the time to trust yourself, to begin to figure out your new place in God’s world. Because we all have a purpose in every stage of our lives. Take the time to question and listen. Do lots of knocking on God’s door. Beat it down if you must until you get an answer. Be patient. Don’t give up.

A Favor, Please

If you have found this Web site and like what you've discovered in my daily writing, I have a favor to ask of you: Tell one friend. That's it, just one. Maybe it's another mom who can also see the light at the end of the mom tunnel like me - someone who has raised her kids and may be wondering, "What now?"

I hope to grow my readership in several ways, but word-of-mouth is powerful, so if you would...just one friend, please. Thank you.

Enjoying the Sabbath

This day, this Sunday, I think I am experiencing the meaning of a Sabbath day. I don’t always feel this way on Sundays, but I have a friend who always remembers “to keep holy the Lord’s day.” She tells me how she begins her day with Mass and reads and works on a puzzle and takes a nap. Sounds heavenly, doesn’t it? She doesn’t do chores on Sunday. The resemblance to my Sundays and my friend’s Sundays end after morning Mass.

But today was different. It has felt Sabbath-like. All of my sons are home, which is a rarity, so I stopped at the grocery store after Mass and bought some ingredients for an extra-special dinner. I watched one of my favorite all-time movies, I Remember Mama, amid the voices of my family, but for once I wasn’t bothered by their chattering. We were all in one room enjoying each others’ company. Again, a rarity, as all my boys experience more and more of their own lives away from the old homestead. We even discussed our upcoming summer vacation. Who knows how many will go? But they all know they are welcome.

And that’s a major life shift in the past several years. The birdies are flying out of the nest. I’m adjusting; all moms do. But I savor a day like today when all birds are roosting here. And what speaks to my five men more eloquently than a good dinner? So…time to go. Time to cook and maybe read or watch another movie or…the Sabbath possibilities are endless.

Fun Can Happen in Lent

In today’s “Little Black Book” (see yesterday’s post) I received a much-needed little pat on the back – a confirmation, of sorts. The passage has to do with giving things away – realizing that all things we have come from God anyway, so it is our job to be sure they are distributed properly.

Of course, as is the case with any and every project attempted in this house, cleaning up our upstairs and giving what we’ve discovered to those who could use the stuff is an on-going process. In my reading this morning I received affirmation for my efforts. And I sorely need that in my life.

This is not a good time with my parents. They are 89 and 90 with all the accompanying problems associated with such a ripe old age. Yesterday I had a mini-meltdown. Not major like at Christmas, but about a 4 on the Richter scale of meltdowns. I hate what is happening to my parents. But it’s better than the alternate of not having them. However, God has been slowly walking me down the realization path preparing me for the inevitable. But I still hate it.

So today is a day of fun. I am forgetting sadness – casting it aside for lunch and wandering through some junk a.k.a. antique shops. My husband and I walked through an antique show last weekend and I’d forgotten how much fun it could be. And happily, I spent only a meager $10.00. My purchases? Two items each two inches tall: a Planter’s Peanut red whistle and a Coke bottle that’s really a lighter. My tastes are simple…and juvenile, but it’s better than expensive and flamboyant, right?

I wish you some fun today. Spread some joy!

Who's in Your Little Black Book?

Have you ever read the “Little Black Book,” a Lenten booklet based on the writings of Bishop Ken Untener? I wish I had the time to explore all facets of the Bible; I don’t, not at this stage of my life. While it is true I call more time my own than I had when raising my sons, I cannot yet devote the chunk of time needed to dive deeply into Scripture. That’s where this wonderful little book comes into play.

As the introductory page states, the book is divided into “240 ‘six minute’ packages.” It is so very easy to read each morning. It takes longer for my laptop to turn on than it takes me to read these short insightful passages. The “Little Black Book” begins the Sunday before Ash Wednesday and continues through Easter Sunday.

It’s one of those books I think my boys may actually take the time to read, and whether they do or not, I know I will. I really should get another copy and I know right where I should put it for the best chance of reading: in the bathroom! Sounds a bit crude perhaps, but that’s where men do their reading much of the time. I tried this tact with another Bible-type book, and it worked. I go with what works even though it may sound silly.

I highly recommend this book for busy people who may need a little Lenten jumpstart every morning. It’s a great way to focus on the season of Lent. Happy six-minute reading!

Here's the Web site: www.littlebooks.org.

A Joyful Lent

Lent: a joyful season of the Church. But fasting and giving things up that you like doesn’t seem too joyful to me. So I am making these next 40 days joyful. Just making it happen. I can’t tell you how many Lents I’ve struggled through in the past several years questioning most every choice I’ve ever made – wanting those “do-overs” about which I’ve written so often.

But here I am: mom of four sons; wife to one husband. I’m not struggling through another Lent. I’m not allowing it to happen. I’m smarter than that. And I credit God with my mini-conversion because He has done something inside of me; He has enlightened me to the joy of the life I have right now, this very minute. So I’m going with it – not fighting it any longer.

Wherever you are right now on your journey, I wish you the strength to emerge on the other side a stronger, more joyful person. Good luck to us both!

Peace and Quiet

What I wish for you this Lent:

Peace and quiet far away
No distractions - only time
Time to think
Time to feel
Time to do what God deems Real

Where smiles meet eyes
Before a warm embrace
Where love kindles hearts
Like sunshine warms the face
As we fulfill His plan
Doing all we should
To care for one another well
If we but only would

The Friendship that Is Life

I wrote a column two years ago that I have tweaked a little bit for today. It’s timely for the start of Lent.

Will you feel the crunchy ashes glide across and down your forehead tomorrow? Will you be a visible reminder to all you meet that we Catholics have begun a very special time of reflection for the next 40-something days? Will you be giving up things this Lent or giving more?

When I look at the many and varied people in my life I can be in their presence for a very short time before knowing precisely for whom they are living at any particular moment – themselves or others. I look at my own children. There is a life I want for each of them. But I can't force it on them. They must choose it. They are all old enough to choose. I hope that tomorrow they will all receive those crunchy ashes, but will they? I’m not sure. I can’t troop them to Mass anymore. It’s their choice.

Ash Wednesday is so much more than being smeared with the burnt palms. It's a solid beginning to a time of reflection. In today's non-stop pace I wish for my sons and for all you readers to take the time to slow down. If one doesn't avidly seek a slowdown it will never come. Unless perhaps God decides to intervene to seriously slow us down, and in my experience that's usually a little scary – until we fully realize God's purpose for our lives.

So what is God's purpose for our lives right now? Do you think you have a pretty good handle on it, or are you clueless? Well, everybody must start somewhere, so clueless is OK right now, if that's where you truly are. Sadly, I think that way too many people don't have any notion as to what God wants to do with their lives. And many more simply do not care. They don't ask Him. I sincerely hope that during these next 40 days we all may find that quiet time to reflect with God. A few minutes are better than no minutes.

Ask God what He wants you to do, and look and listen all day long for His answers. You will be amazed at the ways in which He replies, and how frequently, if you’re really paying attention to the details of your life. It's scary and freaky and fun and awesome all at the same time. Do it and you'll begin a friendship for life – the Friendship that is life.

Goodnight :)

What a day! Up at 5:15, took my mom to surgery, all went well - thank God! - spent day at hospital, took my mom back home, finally getting back to my own home a little while ago. Too tired to write. Goodnight!

Going, Going, Soon-to-be Gone!

I am simply amazed at how most everything happens around this house at a snail’s pace. Yesterday I related my long overdue errand experience as well as the happiness I felt when finally accomplishing it all. Why is it that certain chores take us so long to do? Why can’t we be better motivated?

I always blame it on my five men. I do. I know I do. In one way or another I can pawn most responsibility off onto one or more of them:

If they would only pick up the house as they should, I would have more time and inclination to accomplish more meaningful projects around here. I wouldn’t be cleaning up the same messes over and over again, day after day, decade after decade.

If they would take a sledge hammer and smash to smithereens the Call of Duty video game, the stress level in our house would drop by at least half. An abundance of time would be freed up to…study, build those closets, hang that drywall.

If the most technologically advanced of my five men would help me with my Web site, I could accomplish so much more toward the advancement of my writing.

My life of ifs.

Guess what? I’m done with other people’s ifs.

It’s been a slow, tedious and oftentimes, disappointing process, but I am beginning to realize I must stand on my own two foot to do the things I want to do – and not let anything or anyone get in my way. Today I called the local high school my sons attended, and where I substitute taught for many years. I have a call in to the guidance counselor asking for a smart computer-literate girl to tutor me of the ways of Web sites and all things computer. Everything I have learned up until now has been mostly self-taught. And I get so frustrated! Those closest to me hear my pleas, and when they don’t help me I want to clobber them. Really hard! So far, I have not. Last night, however, I did have a major blow-up. I had had it! When the dust cleared I knew nothing would change. Definition of insanity: Doing the same things over and over expecting different results.

For years we followed this insanity plan when it came to handling our weekly trash. Every week the critters would get into the trash. I would buy new, better, stronger, smarter-than-raccoons locking lids, but my dear darlings would never consistently attach the lids. Most times “taking the trash out” was somehow heard as “throw the bags next to the cans.” It is an embarrassment to admit how long this ritual continued, until one day the good old insanity definition entered my mind. That day I called the trash company, and the next day two mega huge trashcans were delivered to our door. Everything fit easily. No cramming. Lids swing down. Problem solved. And easy to roll to the street to boot!

Weeks ago my family and I began the Great American Clean Up of our upstairs. The hallway is a hideous sight, but the bedrooms have greatly improved. Why? Because I think my sons finally realized that if they didn’t clean it up nobody would. Doing the same thing over and over netted the same results: living in squalor. It is true we have no closets in our 1823 home, but cleaning up the mess was the first step. My sons have way too many clothes, many of which they never wear. Time to give them away. Get rid of the stuff. Free up the floor space and let’s get busy on those closets.

But that’s mom talking. Not a teenager or young adult. It’s the weekend! Must go out. Can’t stay home. Must have fun, fun, fun. I know it’s slow-going, but it is going.

And living as a computer-challenged adult is another situation that is going away, maybe slowly, but it’s going bye-bye…eventually.

P.S. Happy St. Valentine's Day to all!

Check!

Today was a day when instead of merely writing a “to do” list, I actually checked off all items on my list. And it feels good. That simply never happens. After getting some things in order here at home I was ready to head out into the big world. But hubby wanted to go lunch. Hubby LOVES restaurants. Instead of fighting it anymore, I go with the flow. It was noon. Food sounded good, so OK, we can go.

Mooch son #2 just happened to call exactly at noon. What a coincidence! Then Mooch son #4 also wanted to go. But in the meantime hubby realized he must be here at home at 1:00 to participate in a conference call. I didn’t want to eat out in the first place; I said yes to be nice to him. And now two sons were counting on it. We three met at Pizza Hut and did had a lot of fun. Mooches talked. Always enlightening to glimpse their worlds.

Then I was off on my own. I have been driving around with bags for Goodwill in the back of my Jeep for over a month. Throwing grocery bags on top of and around them has been quite a challenge each week. But now they’re gone! Check. Wandered through Wally World next, picking up some trinkets for Valentine’s Day as well as several much-needed household items. Check. Check. Then I finally went to the cable store. My son bought me a TV for my bedroom at Christmas and it has taken me this long to get the cable box. Added bonus: I get to pay $18.00 more every single month just for the privilege of having the DVR box. How special! Triple check.

Next I came home and checked off some phone calls from my “to do” list, e-mailed a few people, and the laundry is whrring away. Chalk up a good day.

Just Stuff

A son returns from work at 11 p.m. Knock, knock. A mom is .567% away from Dreamland. As much as mom wants to say, “Be gone with you!” the words do not form.

“Sure, you can come in. How was your work?”

“Crappy.” Now there’s a shock – a young guy complaining about his job!

“Oh, that’s too bad,” says mom.

Little by little mom wakes up as “stuff” is shared. Mother/son things. Nothing monumental. No earth-shattering revelations. Just stuff. The stuff that lives are made of.

Baby cries; mom feeds.

Toddler trips; mom rescues.

Youngster questions; mom answers.

Teenager rebels; mom waits.

Son talks; mom listens.

No matter the hour.

And it ever will be so.

Me - Plain...and Simple?

What makes us like (or not like) something?

As Valentine’s Day approaches why do I sincerely hope I don’t receive red roses on the big day? Because I don’t like red roses, that’s why. Why don’t I? No deep set trauma associated with them, so why do I prefer yellow or peach or pink? Why isn’t the gift of the roses enough? Why am I so persnickety about the color?

Why do I hate the taste of dark chocolate, but enjoy milk chocolate? Why does the raspberry flourish swirled on a dessert plate to complement the sweet treat make my mouth pucker in a repulsive reflex?

Why would I rather sit around all night long drinking iced teas until my bladder busts, rather than try the latest exotic martini? Why do I adore kittens, but not cats?

Why do I despise nearly every single perfume on the market, yet prefer lilac-scented candles? Why do I smile at the sight of a lawn brimming with dandelions when most others despise the yellow beauties?

Why do I think that adding vegetables to Jell-o is the stupidest thing ever? Doesn’t everyone know that Jell-o was made for fruit and Cool Whip – not veggies? Why do I love cocktail sauce, but wince to the point of holding my breath around horseradish? Horseradish is a main ingredient of cocktail sauce. I know this, yet still feel as I do.

Why? Why? Why?

Perhaps I am just weird – plain and simple. Well, plain maybe, but not so simple. Never simple with me. Yet even my explanation is a paradox because I think in my heart of hearts I am quite a simple girl.

P.S. I’ll keep you posted about those roses!

Snowy Domino Effect

Where’s the snow? The new snow? The foot of additional fluffy white stuff expected last night to join the already fallen 18 inches on the ground? No snow, but the dominoes have surely fallen…

1. “The snow is falling. The snow is falling,” Chicken Little forecasters predict.
2. Around noon yesterday the snow begins its chilly and persistent descent.
3. Exhibiting prudence, schools close for today – big kids as well as the little kids (meaning my dear darlings are home from college).
4. Weighing the daunting prospect of engineering my 90-year-old mother to the hospital for possible surgery at 9:00 a.m. this morning, I call the doctor yesterday afternoon. We postpone.
5. Which necessitated five more phone calls and two e-mails.
6. One of which was the caregiver for my parents. I had cancelled her for today. We wouldn’t be at home, so wouldn’t need her services.
7. Tried to get her back.
8. Schools are closed. Snow is coming. Her kids home. She can’t come.
9. Agency attempts replacements.
10. Schools are closed – snow is coming – no one can come.

So, it appears that everyone is home with their children today. Not a bad thing, I guess. This “hump day” is quite the “rest day” for many. Moral of the story: Some days you just go with the flow – or lack of snow flow.

Snow Ice Cream Anyone?

Last week we had 18 inches of snow, and tonight through tomorrow weather forecasters are predicting another foot or more. Perfect day to post my recipe for snow ice cream! My sister made this ice cream for me when I was younger, and I’ve continued the tradition for my boys. They love it! If you think the atmosphere has too many contaminants filtering through making it down to us here on earth, then you shouldn’t venture this recipe. Personally, I’ve never seen the harm in it. But I also lick beaters with or without raw egg!

Here goes:

Snow Ice Cream

½ cup heavy cream
¼ cup granulated sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla
1 quart fluffy white snow – Best to set out a chilled tray to catch the snow as it’s falling.

Stir cream, sugar and vanilla together. Pour mixture over snow and stir.

I always double or triple the recipe! Yum!

Here We Go Again

Well, I wasn’t too impressed with the commercials – how about you? The e*trade babies are always cute and Doritos continued their funny offerings. I enjoyed the ad where the men all talked funny like they were using a synthesizer. But is that a commercial where the product sticks out in my mind? Nope. Can’t remember what the ad was for. And what’s the deal with the commercial for the 2010 census? Really??? The United States government felt the need to spend all that money for a cutesy ad…for what? Are more people actually going to respond because they saw a few actors tell them to? Highly doubtful. OK, there, I’m done – off my soapbox.

Back to the reality of my life, my upcoming week. It’s going to be a busy one. That’s why I got up extra early. I thought if I got into the proper frame of mind to tackle the week that’d be half the battle. So here I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to face whatever is thrown my way in the next seven days.

How’s your week shaping up? Anything important? Same old same old? Or a combination there of? Whatever comes your way this week I wish you the energy and inspiration to face it, tackle it, endure it – whatever you may need. Happy Monday!

When Enough is Enough

Are you ready for some football? How ‘bout some commercials? That’s more my speed. I don’t care who wins today at all, but I will be disappointed if the commercials aren’t great. We’re having just a few people over. Super Bowl Sunday is a big excuse to eat a lot of fun food, I think, and we will do our share. I tell you, I am so tired right now I think I could lie down and sleep until morning. But that’s not possible.

I have, however, discovered the luxury in doing less, taking time to smell the roses, so to speak. That’s why I’m up here typing away to you right now instead of starting something else downstairs. The food that’s prepared is enough. My house is clean enough. Recognizing when enough is enough is important. And that’s much easier now than it once was. I used to run around like a chicken with its head cut off before parties in the past. I’m happy those years are behind me. Nobody is coming to visit my house; they are coming to visit me and my family.

Whatever you’re eating and drinking at your party, enjoy! And let’s all hope for some funny commercials.

Heavenly Solitude

My dad has so many favorite expressions I could fill a book with them. Here’s one: “Youth is wasted on the young.” Sounds silly at first hearing, but think about it. All that energy and exuberance. Wow! My 22-year-old son shoveled a foot of snow off our porch, steps and down our long walk – in record time. I’d have a heart attack just thinking about doing it. I would never attempt it. But there he went, did it and is no worse for the wear.

Harnessing that energy at my age would be remarkable. But would I really want to go back and do it all again? I used to think I wanted to. I longed for a life do-over. To be able to go back with the knowledge that I have now. As youth diminishes, wisdom increases. That’s not a coincidence. And with the wisdom I have been accumulating of late I am sure I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to start over. I’m smarter than I was. A lot smarter. I can step back from situations and not get broiled into circumstances that don’t concern me. I can walk away in my mind – just disassociate. It’s a pretty neat trick actually.

I wouldn’t want to be a young adult these days. And I have four such creatures living under my roof! Lately though I truly have been able to step back to give my sons the needed space to succeed or fail. And I understand why I am able to do that: because I have a life of my own separate from theirs. I’m not “Mommy.” I’m Mom. I’m Maureen. I’m me without four little ones hanging on.

I like it. I’ve written about the niche I’ve carved for myself – my home within my home – my Happy Place upstairs away from the video game fighting and juvenile banter. Maybe this would have occurred earlier had I had girls. I’ve missed that side of life. But I’m not crying over spilled milk; I’m happy for what I am discovering these days.

Every week I buy myself a new bouquet of flowers and choose a vase from my extensive and dusty collection which for years has lain dormant 99.999% of the time. And I put those flowers right in front of me on my desk. They are mine. I’m big into mine right now. I really am. Maybe that sounds selfish, but that’s how I feel. For how many years had my primary concern been my children? 25. That’s right, 25.

Yesterday is a prime example of extracting some time for myself. My day had revolved around my mom and the pre-testing she needed done at the hospital. Returning home my sister-in-law and I noticed my dad’s dilemma. He had had something frozen off his forehead two days earlier. His eyes were red and swollen and he looked miserable. We got him squared away and we left, she to her house and me to mine. But mine is 45 minutes away on a sunny day.

We were just beginning to get the forecasted foot of snow. The temperature hovered right at 32 degrees. All that water on the road was about to turn to ice; it was just a matter of when. “When” happened to be at the exact time I was driving…crawling…toward home. I am not a wimp in the snow. I’ve lived in the Midwest my whole life. I have four-wheel drive. Nothing seemed to matter, except for the fact that I was smart enough to know I had to go 30 MPH if I wanted to get my Jeep and me home in one piece. Oh what a hideous drive! But I arrived safe and sound. Had to spend some time with my hubby even though all I wanted to do was climb to the solitude of my Happy Place.

At 8:30 I finally came up here and I must have subconsciously breathed a huge sigh of relief. I could finally do what I wanted to do, and that was write. I have a column due tomorrow. After about half an hour my son came home with his girlfriend. I went downstairs. I said hi. And I ran right back up for hours. I’m sure hubby thought me crazy and possibly rude. Too bad. Would I have wanted my parents hanging around my boyfriend and me when I was 24? I don’t think so!

I wrote and wrote and wrote. And writing makes me happy. I wish you the courage, because sometimes that’s what it takes, to do something that makes you happy today. The heck with everybody else. Make the time…for you.

The Hurrieder I Go the Behinder I Get

Just time enough for a quick hi today. Hi! Very busy - too busy - and much yet to do tonight. If the snow is coming your way I hope you are warm and cozy with a marshmallowy cup of hot chocolate to sip. Cheers!

With God All Things Are Possible

A poem for you which I wrote a few years ago. I hope you like it. Sometimes friends really do the trick!

With God all things are possible
In dreams that’s also true
We close our eyes and float away
To all those loved ones who
Know just the words to make our day
As our hearts’ wishes soar
Above the ordinary everyday
Where we are so much more
Because we have each other

God put us here for one another
To do what we must do
To ease the burden, share the joy
To build a life that’s true
With ups and downs and turnarounds
And times we’ve had enough
For as we hold on tight
Our road seems not so rough
Because we have each other

So hold on tight and don’t let go
Of all those you hold dear
Treasuring the love you feel
Whenever they are near
Wish for them their heart’s desire
And God’s protection, too
As all the time that we do share
Becomes that life that’s true
Because we have each other

A Run-of-the-mill Wednesday

First I burned my finger on the hot wooden spoon I haphazardly let lay across the pan. Next I cut my thumb opening a can of kidney beans. Once the profuse bleeding subsided and I was bandaged by my helpful fellows who happened to be home today, I began stirring the chili again, dropped the spoon and spotted the floor with onions. Is God trying to tell me something? Like get-the-heck-out-of-the-kitchen?

Wouldn’t it be great if God’s signs were so simple? I’ve often lamented the need for a neon billboard with specific directions addressed solely to me. Kind of like that big Jumbo Tron screen we’ve heard so much about in Texas this football season. But I’d settle for a message directly from God on the screen at the Super Bowl in Miami this weekend. Dear Maureen, Divine blah, blah, blah… Love, God. No, I haven’t lost all my marbles. Not yet, anyway. Perhaps some are jumping overboard though.

Hasn’t God given us a book chock full of words of wisdom, history, parables and eye witness accounts? Yet still we long for the tailored-just-for-me answers. Maybe it’s because we’ve gotten lazy. Too lazy to read the Bible. To lazy to search for the meaning behind the words in our own lives. We want to be spoon fed like babies. Yet we don’t want to be treated like babies. We are plain never satisfied, are we? I suppose I should speak for myself.

I’m trying to unplug these days. To realize that I can only do so much. I go with the flow hoping the current doesn’t wash me and my marbles downstream. Believe it or not, it’s another learning time for me. I’ve graduated from little boys with little troubles to big boys with bigger, more life-altering concerns. And I have to grow up accordingly. I can’t do this thing called life for my sons. I’m not sure I’m doing such a great job of it for myself! However I have stepped back to let my dear ones sink or swim many times in the past year. By now they all know I’m around with the life preserver if they really need saved, but for life’s little bumps my boys ride out whatever storms they encounter.

And I’m weathering my own storms. Life’s made up of the many little moments, don’t you think? It really isn’t lived on the peaks. Life’s lived in the valleys. Striving toward something or away from something. I’m not quite sure where I am yet. But I do know where I’m not. And that’s half the battle.

At this Sunday’s game I’ll catch a glimpse of the huge TV screen, but I won’t be seeking divine intervention. I’ll just be watching a football game with my five men. Building another little chunk onto my life.

Less is More

Last night my family and I had the rare occurrence of sitting down together around the dinner table. All six of us. Earlier in the day I had enticed them with the menu: roast chickens with stuffing, whipped potatoes, biscuits and glazed carrots. The carrots they could take or leave, but the rest…yum!

So as I shoveled the dishes onto the table I thought I’d been given the perfect opportunity to discuss serious pressing matters:

1. Tuesday’s trash night. We have so much junk to get rid of from our ongoing cleanup of our upstairs. We can’t all selectively “forget” to haul the trash to the street.

2. More words of wisdom concerning plans upstairs.

3. Why did no one do one single chore today?

And then I’d surely get on a roll!

I called my dear darlings to the table. We ate and talked and actually looked at each other for a whole 15 minutes. And I said none of my aforementioned thoughts.

Sometimes, less is more.

I'd Like to Thank...

Raise your hand if you are sick of awards shows. I know I am. Who really cares? The Golden Globes, The Screen Actors Guild Awards, The Academy Awards – all honoring basically the same actors in the same movies. Accolades are fine, but isn’t this overkill? I was perfectly content watching Oscars presented to deserving recipients. It was rather exciting to see the stars of the current flock of movies in their finery while listening to them accept their prizes with gratitude. Once a year.

Now it’s this red carpet and that red carpet and who is wearing the ugliest dress? Who’s snubbing whom? How much did the jewelry cost? Who cares? is what I ask. Isn’t this just a little too much back-slapping?

Sometimes I look at these shows through the eyes of a little child who doesn’t have enough to eat. What must she think? The sheer indulgence. The waste. I feel the same way when I watch certain commercials on TV. One year I remember a commercial where a woman basically demanded a diamond for Christmas from her husband. She didn’t even ask! She expected it. What does that say to the woman struggling to keep food on her family’s table? We live in a weird time. No two ways about it.

I suppose every age has those who take more than they give, who think of themselves before others. It’s moments like this when I am proud of families who sacrifice for one another. Where they make due with less. They aren’t me-oriented. They know what’s real, and don’t have to ask, “What would Jesus do?” because they just do it. Day after day. And nobody hands them statues of naked gold men. Well, OK, maybe Oscar’s not naked. But you get the idea.

Look what Jesus did. And look what happened to Him. He didn’t receive much praise in His day, just as we moms don’t receive much praise in our day, but we all know where Jesus is now. And isn’t that where we’d like to be at the end of our days? It’s where I hope to be. So let’s do as my dad says, and “keep plugging away.” No fancy dresses, no walks down the red carpet, no statuettes. Just grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, tending, loving. God sees all that we do. When we think we can’t work another second at that job, remember that God is watching us, applauding us for our efforts to help others, and is writing our names down in that big book of His. Remember: It’s God’s opinion that counts. Better start rehearsing that acceptance speech!